thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
