You really coming over, don't trick.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
