This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
