I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
