Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
