So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
People in love make me want to vomit
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
