Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
