If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
