i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
