I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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