Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
