this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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