Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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