A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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