yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
