Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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