i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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