I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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