Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
