Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
