Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
