I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
