No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
