I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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