So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
