He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
