I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
