he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
