We won't sleep together?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
