I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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