I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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