you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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