I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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