She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
