just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
