So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The uberlube is also flammable
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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