Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
