I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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