I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
