You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
