dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
