It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
