If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
