I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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