Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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