I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
