Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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