it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
And then he peed in my hair
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