My liver just broke up with me...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
