farters have to be the big spoon...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
