forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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