Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
