so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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