We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
