That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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