Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
