my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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