Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
