I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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