He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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