Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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