Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
