dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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