i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
