well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
