Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
