No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises