It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize