I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
