2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will pee on everything he values.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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